


Let Me In

by phg



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - No COVID, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drama, Emily's Trade, Eventual Smut, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:00:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26503288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phg/pseuds/phg
Summary: After Emily is unexpectedly traded to Orlando, her whole world shifts. She realizes in the weeks after the trade that she has feelings for Lindsey, but Lindsey has a wholly unexpected reaction to the trade. What follows is the longest four months of Emily's life, as she navigates the aftermath of the trade that ended up affecting more than just her own life.
Relationships: Lindsey Horan/Emily Sonnett
Comments: 6
Kudos: 67





	1. Traded

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fan fiction, so please be gentle. I’m not quite sure that I got the pacing how I wanted it which is part of the reason this turned into such a monster fic. Obviously this is AU because there’s no COVID (and, well, because I don’t know any of these people and I made this all up). I tried to put events in the right order, but I’m afraid my memory has slipped a bit on what exactly happened when. I did take artistic liberty with game dates towards the end. I needed to to make my story work and I figured it wasn’t the end of the world to mess with who played who on the NWSL opening weekend and to move a friendly (or two), especially when they never really happened. Enjoy! [And wear a mask, and please vote if you live in the US!]

Emily hears from Mark the week before Christmas. It wasn’t that she wasn’t performing, per se, it’s that he’d “decided to go in a different direction.” Emily calls bullshit. She doesn’t know what to do with herself. It’s Christmas. Couldn’t he have waited? Should she call someone? Oh, god - what about Lindsey? Mark wouldn’t have traded Lindsey, too, would he? No, he definitely would’ve said something when they were on the phone. After all he’d mentioned Caitlin and Midge. Man, was he even going to have a team left at the end of this? These draft picks better be worth it.

She finally just stares at the wall in stunned silence as it sinks in. Her first-round draft pick status feels like it was for nothing. DId she really peak in 2016? No, goddamnit. And she would spend the rest of time proving that to Mark and the world. She was going to kick ass. And she would make sure she went to the Olympics. No more “Olympic hopeful,” she was going to be a sure-thing. 

Okay, well if she wanted to be a sure-thing, she’d better amp up the training even more. There was still time this afternoon to get in one more hard core training session, so that’s what she’d do.

  
\---

Three hours later Emily returns, exhausted, covered in sweat. She decides that she should move to two-a-day trainings for the rest of the break. Glancing at her phone she realizes she’s missed a text from Lindsey and a whole bunch of messages in her group chat with Rose, Mal, Sam, and Lindsey. She idly wonders when Mark will call Caitlin - she’s at home for the off-season and the time difference is still confusing to her. So if it’s 5pm in Georgia, it’s 2pm in Portland and… 7am the next day in eastern Australia? She guesses she’ll maybe hear from Caitlin that night. Or maybe she won’t hear from her at all. Maybe Caitlin will be as stunned as she is and will want to go through this alone. 

Just then her mom calls up to her for dinner. Emily hurries to get dressed and leaves her phone on the bed. Her parents ask about her training and she gives the shortest answers she can. Crawling into bed she sets an alarm for 5am and sets her phone to silent. 

  
\-----

  
Two and a half weeks of two-a-days later, Emily’s on a flight to Florida for January camp. She’s already talked to Marc Skinner and some of the other crew at the Pride, and they’re all very excited to have her, and they’ve all been so nice. But it still doesn’t feel right. It’s exciting to be wanted somewhere, but Portland has become her home. Lindsey won’t be in Florida, Tobin won’t be in Florida. 

It doesn’t matter, really, because the trade has already happened and there’s nothing she can do except show Mark what he’s missing and prove to Vlatko that she deserves a spot on the Olympic squad. Emily still hasn’t talked to anyone about it except Caitlin. She doesn’t know what to say. She feels tired, and unwanted. She’s tried to stay involved with her teammates and friends, but she made sure to avoid facetiming with them - she didn’t want them to see the dark circles under her eyes that wouldn’t go away. Even Emma had commented on her appearance yesterday when they’d gotten together to say goodbye.

  
Making her way to baggage claim with trepidation, Emily isn’t sure what exactly she’ll say to her friends when she actually sees them. What is there to say? Should she tell them or wait until the announcement on Wednesday? Before she can figure it out she realizes she’s walking towards a group of her teammates - Rose, Lindsey, Mal, Sam, Alyssa, and Sophia Smith. Damn - she really didn’t want to have to face Sophia already.

Lindsey notices her first, eyes widening. Instead of a smile, though, her mouth twists up in concern, her cheeks paling slightly. Emily tries to give her a smile to reassure Lindsey that she’s okay, but instead she realizes it’s more of a grimace. 

Suddenly Rose looks up. “Sonny!” And then Emily is surrounded, embraced by everyone except Sophia, who Lindsey introduces after Rose has calmed down. 

“Are we waiting on anyone else?” Emily asks.

“Nope, just you! Van should be out front to pick us up,” says Sam.

  
Emily gets in the van first and goes all the way to the back. She’s not quite ready to talk to Lindsey and she knows there’s no way Lindsey can really fit her legs back there. She buckles the seat belt and looks up and realizes, though, that she might have miscalculated. Sam is sitting next to her - a feat even greater than Lindsey trying to fit in the back seat - Emily should’ve just tried to grab the front seat next to the driver if she really wanted to be alone. Once they’re moving and Rose has started in on plans to prank everyone in the entire town of Tampa, Sam leans over and whispers, “Alright Sonny, what’s going on?”

“With what?” Emily says.

“With you. You look like you’ve been through hell. And, honestly, I’m concerned about how much weight you’ve lost, Sonny. I’m worried for you.”

Shit. Emily hadn’t really counted on anyone in her immediate friends group being this observant, let alone this outspoken. But, if there was a grown-up, she guessed it would be Sam. She glanced forward and realized that she was looking at the back of Alyssa’s head - the one person in the van who would certainly take a secret to the grave. 

“I… I’m fine,” Emily says.

“That’s a lie and we both know it. But I’m here if or when you’re ready to talk about it,” Sam says.

“Thanks, I guess.” Emily looks down at her phone and pulls up a game so that she can tune out what everyone else is doing. Maybe they’ll buy it if she says it’s a really important game of Words with Friends.

When they get to the hotel Emily crosses her fingers on the roommate assignments. She needs someone steady, but not scary. And not Sophia. 

As luck would have it she’s ended up with Ali. Emily’s jealous that Tobin and Lindsey somehow ended up roomed together, but she guesses she’s got to get used to being away from them all the time. Ali’s arriving later, so Emily has a minute to herself, to relish this final bit of silence. She drops her stuff and plops down on the closest bed. It’s time to decide if she wants to tell her teammates about the trade before it’s announced. Emily doesn’t even know what she’d say. The feeling of failure washes over her again, and the tears well up. 

“Sonnnnnnnyyyyyyyyy,” yells Rose as she pounds on the door. 

Well, time’s up. It’s now or never. Emily wipes the tears away and opens the door. Rose, Mal, and Lindsey are already standing there, Rose and Mal both bouncing up and down. 

“Let’s go get some coffee, and plot how we’re going to prank Kelley,” Rose says.

  
Sam and Sophia join them on their way downstairs. Once they’ve all ordered they find a big table and Emily finds herself next to Lindsey. Lindsey leans in when everyone else is distracted and says, “Sonny, are you okay?”

“Yes,” Emily says, trying to convince both herself and Lindsey. She can’t make eye contact, though. 

Lindsey leans in even closer, brushing Sonny’s hair back behind her ear. “Really?”

Emily can feel Lindsey’s touch through her whole body. It starts in her cheek and works it’s way down to her toes and back up. She shudders. Suddenly she feels even more vulnerable than before. Lindsey’s looking right at her. Not only is Emily not ready to talk about the trade, she’s really not ready to talk about the way Lindsey’s hand is making her feel. She settles on nodding her head. 

“It’s just that you look so… tired. Are you eating enough? What happened? I’m worried about-”

“I’m fucking FINE!” Emily yells. People at the neighboring tables turn to stare. Emily jumps up, pushing Lindsey’s hand away. She has to get out of there, she needs fresh air. When she reaches the sidewalk she stumbles a bit. What is she doing? Not telling anyone about the trade, apparently.

  
\----

  
At the team dinner that night Emily shows up as late as she possibly can in the hopes all the seats except the one next to Carli will be taken. It’s a safe bet sitting next to Carli, as long as you don’t say anything. Luck is on her side - sort of - there’s one seat left between Andi and Moe, but it’s at the same big table as the rest of her friends. At least it won’t really look like she’s avoiding them. She makes small talk with Moe and asks about Andi’s wedding. Rose, Mal, Sam, and Lindsey all take it in turn to give her weird looks, but she tries to ignore them. 

  
The next morning at breakfast Emily goes through the same routine. It all feels increasingly awkward. She can’t wait for this camp to be over already. When they board the bus she takes her regular seat next to Lindsey and slips in her airpods. Luckily it’s only a quick drive to the training facilities, and she’s successfully able to ignore everyone.

Emily knows this first day of training will be really about them getting a feel for Vlatko and vice versa. Lots of drills, lots of getting in the groove. And, ultimately, lots of goofing off. She can feel how much these last few weeks of pushing herself have paid off - in the way she moves, in her speed, in her reaction time, in her strength. She feels honed. For a while she forgets all the other stuff going on, and for a while her friends stop looking at her like there’s something wrong with her.

  
\----

  
The next morning at breakfast Emily knows there’s something different. She walks in the room and people look. Pinoe and AD look back down after a second, but Sophia, Rose, Sam, and Ali keep watching her. Standing in the doorway still, she shifts from foot to foot. Lindsey starts to get up, but Emily just drops her head and goes to get food. She plops herself down into an empty seat next to Tobin, grateful for the friendly silence. It’s hard to eat; anxiety is pulling at her stomach and her chest feels tight. Pulling out her phone Emily realizes she’s got tons of notifications from Twitter and Instagram; the announcement has been leaked. Her stomach sinks even further. Okay, there’s nothing she can do, so she’ll pretend nothing’s wrong. Picking at her food she forces herself to stay sitting, pretending to smile at Christen’s story. 

When she boards the bus, Emily’s already got her airpods in, music turned all the way up. She sits in her spot next to Lindsey and opens Words with Friends, thankful for the distraction of an “urgent” game with Emma. Practice itself is more of the same, except this time she’s being watched, she can feel it. Every time she looks up, though, suddenly everyone else is looking away. The tension is killing her. The suspense is killing her.

Emily skips dinner that night. She dodges Ali by leaving early and then circling back around. She sits in her room staring at the ceiling all through dinner. Around the time dinner should be over she leaves again and goes for a very long walk. It’s dark and she doesn’t know Tampa at all, but she needs to get away. When she sneaks back into the room right after curfew, Ali’s already asleep. 


	2. January

When Emily wakes up Wednesday morning it takes her a minute to remember what day it is, what will happen. But when she opens her eyes it sinks in - this is the day the trade will be announced. She hears Ali finishing up in the bathroom and knows she’s got to get up. By the time Ali walks out, Emily's sitting on the edge of the bed, her training clothes piled next to her. Ali steps closer to Emily, crowding into her space a bit, and then sits down across from her. 

“Emily… Emily, I know we’re not close, but can we talk about it? I know you’re being traded. I know this isn’t what you wanted. I know you’re probably really lonely and feeling really… sad. But I’m here for you.” Ali leans towards Emily and rests her hand on Emily’s knee. It’s the most seen Emily’s felt in weeks, the numbness having settled over her soon after that call with Mark. Ali’s presence is a bit like Emma’s: someone who cares, someone Emily can trust.

Emily cracks. It’s like she’s been holding it all in, all together, since that week before Christmas. She’s sobbing and Ali gathers her up in a hug. 

“It’s okay Sonny, I’ve got you. It’s okay.”

“But- but- it’s not. What am I going to do? How am I going to do this? Nobody wants me. I’m not going to make it to the Olympics. I’m never going to be any good again. I just- Portland, Portland was my home. That’s where I could be me. That’s where I could be gay and it was okay. And, Ali, I just- I just love her so much and now…”

Ali squeezes her even tighter. “Emily, none of that is true. I know it’s hard to believe now, but I’ve been where you are and I can tell you that it will get better. We want you in Orlando. You will have me and Ash, and Toni and Carson and Syd and Marta and Emily and everyone else will love you. And we’ll win this season. We’ll show Mark what he’s lost. And, Emily, if you love Lindsey, you’ll make it work.”

Emily swallows. “Do you think everyone knows it’s Lindsey? I mean, that I lo- like her?”

“No, I don’t think everyone knows. I don’t think Lindsey even knows. I just guessed. I won’t tell anyone.

“Come on, we’ve gotta get down to breakfast before they send someone looking for us, though,” Ali says after a few minutes. “Get dressed. Wash your face. I’ll walk down with you and you can sit with me and Ash and Pinoe. We’ve got you. Today is going to be hard, but then it will get better. I promise you’ll always have me to turn to. And while I know I’m not the Great Horan, I’m still pretty awesome.”

Emily let out a snotty chuckle and stood up. “Thanks Ali. I- thank you.”

  
Yet again Emily was the last one there for breakfast, but this time everyone looked up when she walked in. Ali was standing right next to her and as heads began to turn she reached her arm around Emily and hugged her shoulders. “You got this,” she added.

Emily looks out across everyone. Kelley grimaces and winks - Emily knows Kelley will find her later. AD and Tobin are sitting next to each other - an unusual occurrence - and they’re both looking right at her. Emily notices Tobin’s usually chill expression is hard, as her hand tightens into a fist on the table, Christen covering it with her own. Sophia looks shocked. Maybe guilty (or maybe that’s wishful thinking from Emily). Sophia looks down as soon as their eyes meet. Finally Emily’s eyes make it over to Rose, Sam, Mal, and Lindsey. Mal and Rose look utterly shocked, frozen. And Lindsey - Lindsey looks devastated. She stands up slowly, red-rimmed eyes never leaving Emily’s. Emily thinks Lindsey is going to say something, but then, she’s gone. Emily’s never seen Lindsey move so fast off the field, but she takes off through the back door of the dining room. A chair tips over as Tobin jumps up, and is gone, too, following Lindsey out.

Ali guides Emily over to get breakfast. Emily is grateful for Ali’s presence, for steering her when she is utterly lost. They fill up their plates and go over to where Ashlyn and Pinoe are sitting. Ali pulls out the chair next to Ashlyn and pushes Emily into it, then sits down next to her. Ashlyn reaches over and grips her shoulder as if to say, “you’ve got this” and keeps talking with Pinoe. Emily doesn’t think she can eat, but Ali is an encouraging presence at her side, forcing her to take one bite then another. As they finish Ali leans in and says, “Look, kid, I know this is hard, but you have to be eating. You can’t continue to lose weight. Don’t make me force you at every meal.” 

Emily glances up, surprised. Ali’s right, she knows, so she just nods. It already feels easier, now that everyone knows. But, again, Ali’s steady presence also makes this easier. It’s good to know she’ll have this in Orlando.

Kelley finds Emily as they all line up to board the bus. She wraps Emily in a big hug. They don’t really need to say anything, but Kelley knowing feels like another big weight off Emily’s chest. It’s not till Emily’s almost to her seat that she realizes that Lindsey’s not waiting for her. She stops dead in the middle of the aisle, turning slowly. It’s when she sees Christen sitting alone on the opposite side of the bus that she realizes that Tobin is still missing, too. Christen looks up and shrugs. Emily falls back into her seat.

  
When they get to the field Mal and Rose are instantly there, crowding her, asking her questions.

“Did you ask for this trade?”

“No - of course she didn’t - look at her face. Didn’t you tell anyone? Why didn’t you tell me, I’m your friend Sonny!”

“Did Lindsey know? Why didn’t you tell her?” Mal is stopped there when Rose smacks arm.

“Of course she didn’t Mal. Would Lindsey really be locked in her room with Tobin - swooning - if Sonny had told her? She looked like she was gonna vomit up everything she’s eaten this week.”

“I- what? Wait, what happened to Lindsey?” Emily says, totally confused.

“Like you don’t know. Why wouldn’t you tell her? Seriously, I haven’t seen her this upset since the last time she dumped Russell,” Mal says.

Finally Sam steps between them and Emily. “Guys, leave her alone. Go warm up, preferably wayyyy over there,” she says, pointing to the other side of the field. She turns back around to Emily and opens her arms for a hug. Emily just kind of falls forward into the hug. 

“Is this what was going on with you that you didn’t want to talk about?”

“Yeah,” Emily replies. 

“It’s okay, you’ve got this.”

  
\-----

  
Lindsey and Tobin reappeared for practice that afternoon, but Lindsey hasn’t spoken to Emily since. Tobin comes up to Emily after practice and wraps her up in the biggest hug and says, “You’re like one of my sisters Sonny. I love you. I’ve always got your back, no matter where you are. Give Lindsey some time. This sucks for all of us.”

The rest of the week is weird. Emily plays hard, trains hard, and feels like Vlatko is impressed with her. But all her friends are stilted. Lindsey won’t talk to her directly at all, won’t look at her. She’s not sure what she did wrong exactly, but it’s definitely not making this easier. 

When the week is over she breathes a sigh of relief, and gets on the first flight she can to Atlanta, glad to be headed away from the weirdness of camp.

  
\----

  
A few days later Emily finds out she’s made the roster for CONCACAF. She feels so relieved, even though she knows she’s been working hard. Now she’s got to focus on this next camp in 10 days, and then the tournament right after that. This is it, the road to Tokyo. They have to finish first or second here to qualify. 

This time Mal’s on Emily’s flight from Atlanta to Houston. It’s kind of cool to have a training buddy again when Mal’s in town to see her boyfriend, especially now that Kelley’s living in DC. They’ve spent most of the last week training together at least once a day. Things feel better between Mal and Emily, but she’s not sure how it’ll be when they’re all in a group together again. Lindsey still isn’t really talking to Emily, and she’s not sure why. Emily’s starting to realize that she might actually lose Lindsey in all this. And it’s not only their friendship, it’s this little hope that Emily had that one day they could be more. 

Mal and Emily are some of the last to arrive in Houston. When they get to the hotel Lindsey is standing in the lobby with Sophia, their bags scattered around them, yelling at the team administrator, Molly.

“Please, let me room with anyone else. Anyone- seriously- anyone else. I just can’t.” Lindsey actually starts to cry. 

“Hey guys, what’s up?” Mal says as they walk closer. 

Lindsey turns to look at Mal and Emily and then looks down. Molly, looking increasingly frazzled says, “Nothing, glad you guys made it. Here are your room keys. Mal, you’re with Rose in 505, and Emily, you’re with Lindsey in 521. Lindsey, are we good?”

Lindsey nods without looking up. Lindsey and Sophia gather up their bags and they all pile silently into the elevator. Sophia leans over and hits the button for the 5th floor. Emily feels like she’s been slapped. Why doesn’t Lindsey want to room with her? Is this because of the trade? The trade that she didn’t even ask for?

  
When the elevator reaches the 5th floor Mal and Sophia turn left to go to their rooms, and Lindsey and Emily go right. Emily silently swipes the key and pushes open the door. They both drop their stuff, and then Emily turns to Lindsey. 

“Lindsey, what did I do? I’m so sorry about the trade. I didn’t ask for this. I mean- I didn’t ask for this!” Her voice is rising and she’s getting more hysterical, she knows.

Lindsey stands still. Looking down. Emily takes a step towards her. Lindsey backs away from her.

“Lindsey, please, I- what did I do? You’re my best friend - let me make this better. Please- I-”

Lindsey turns then, and walks out. Emily is left standing alone in their room. She feels her knees start to give, and she lets herself fall on the bed, crying. 

  
There’s a soft knock on the door a while later. “Emily? Are you in there? It’s Ali.”

Emily considers skipping dinner, but knows that she really can’t. It’s the first team dinner of camp and the coaches will want to use the time to get their heads in the game. She drags herself out of bed and over to open the door. 

“Oh, honey,” Ali says. She slips in the door and wraps Emily in a hug. “Let’s get you ready for dinner.”

Emily feels like all she’s done the whole year is cry. She falls into Ali’s hug like it’s saving her life. 

  
The whole rest of the camp and the beginning of the tournament is like that - Lindsey going out of her way to avoid Emily. Emily doesn’t know where Lindsey’s sleeping, but it certainly hasn’t been in a room with Emily. She must be coming in at odd hours to grab her stuff, but Emily doesn’t see her. When they’re all in a group it’s back to normal, like Lindsey’s not completely iced her out. It’s making Emily feel crazy. Every time Emily boards the bus Lindsey is sitting in their normal row, airpods in, ignoring Emily like her life depends on it.

When they fly to California to complete the tournament all Emily can do is hope that they’ll get new room assignments. She doesn’t really know what’s going on with Lindsey, but she could definitely do without the emotional whiplash. 

She’s in serious luck, somehow, and gets Tobin. She’s missed Tobin so much, and knows this season will be even harder without Tobin around. Their first night in California Emily throws herself on her bed to watch some trash while Tobin reads. Emily’s happily settled on “Hoarders” when she turns to Tobin and says, “Do you know what’s going on with Lindsey?”

Tobin looks up, surprised that someone is talking to her. She pushes her glasses up on top of her head and pinches the bridge of her nose. “Yeah, I do Sonny. But it’s her stuff and I’m going to leave it to her to share that with you.”

“But do you know why she won’t talk to me? What did I do? What could I be doing better, or- or differently?”

“Look, Sonny, it’s not you. I don’t totally get why she’s not talking to you, but she isn’t and I’m trying to respect that. We’re both really mad that you got traded, that’s all I can really say. I don’t know what else to tell you, kid.”

“Okay. Thanks, Tobin.”

  
\----

  
They qualify for the Olympics in California, and then win the CONCACAF tournament. Their last game against Canada is incredible. Emily feels high as a kite - she’s happy with her performance, happy with her starts. But as she leans forward for the picture as they all stand on the podium, suddenly Lindsey’s hand was on her thigh. High on her thigh. Emily stops breathing until their hands reach up to cheer. Fuck.


	3. Orlando

After Emily flies home from California it’s time to move to Florida. In some ways she knew it would be pretty easy. After all, she’d never gotten out of the habit of packing like she was going to college, since teams always housed their players in furnished apartments. She’d acquired a few more odds and ends in Portland, but it still would all fit in her car. 

Emily had gotten home late on the 10th and had to be at the next camp on the 21st, so her hope was to leave as soon as she could after she got home. It works out for her to be able to drive the whole thing on Thursday the 13th. She’s hopeful there won’t be too much traffic on a random day of the week.

Pulling into her new apartment complex just before 5pm she’s surprised to see Ali and Ashlyn lounging up against Ashlyn’s Jeep, waiting for her. Ali walks over and gives Emily a big hug. 

“Come on Emily, let’s unload and then we can show you our favorite pizza place,” Ali says.

“Yeah, your treat, since we’re helping you,” Ashlyn adds.

Emily laughs. It felt good. It feels good to be here, with people waiting for her. She can do this. 

  
\----

  
This time camp comes to them. Instead of having to fly halfway across the country, Emily can grab an Uber and show up whenever the hell she wants. It’s weird to be staying in a hotel in what is her new hometown, but at the same time she knows how important it is for team bonding that they all are together in the same space. She’s given up all expectations about who she would room with. It’s all still radio silence from Lindsey, and Emily doesn’t believe it could really get any worse than it did at the CONCACAF camp.

But Emily feels like her heart is broken. Yes, things are better in Orlando than she could have foreseen, and will hopefully get even better when she plays with the Pride - a team that really wants her - but she’s realizing that what she felt, all those many weeks ago when Lindsey reached out to brush her hair back, was something real. Like a real love that Emily has been ignoring and denying for so long. Because Lindsey is straight, because Lindsey is with Russell, because Lindsey is her best friend, because Lindsey is her team mate. And now Emily’s even lost her as a best friend, and she never even got to tell Lindsey how she feels. She wishes she could figure out what she did wrong. 

  
Emily arrives on Friday afternoon late enough that most people have probably settled in, but early enough to get there for the team dinner. This time she walks into an empty lobby, except for the team administrator, Molly. Emily hopes that whoever she’s ended up with this time didn’t harass the administrator like Lindsey did last time, and gives Molly an apologetic smile as she walks up.

“Hey Sonny. I went for low-drama this time and I’ve got you rooming with Kelley, I hope that’s okay.”

“Yeah, that’s fantastic. I’m so sorry about what happened last time, even though I don’t really even know what that was,” Emily says. She grabs her key and heads up to the room. 

Kelley’s sitting on her bed staring at the door when Emily walks in. “Uh, were you, uh, waiting for me, or are you trying to summon a demon?”

“Well, as luck would have it, I got both!” Kelley says, cracking herself up. “I bet you’re glad to see me as your roommate and not the Great Horan. What the fuck did you do to her?”

“You heard about that?”

“Yeah, I think everyone heard about that. So what did you do?”

“Nothing. I think. I don’t know. I got traded? But, Kelley, I…” Emily stopped to take a deep breath. “...I think I’m in love with her.”

“Oh, I know, kiddo.”

“Damnit, seriously? How does everyone know?” Emily says.

“Wait, everyone knows?”

“Okay, fine, maybe not everyone knows, but enough people seem to be aware of this that I’m not sure how the world doesn’t know, yet. Or how Lindsey doesn’t. Or maybe she does know and that’s why she’s avoiding me.”

“Lindsey… doesn’t know, I don’t think,” Kelley says.

“Great..?”

“Sorry, Sonny, I don’t have all the answers. But I’m here for you.”

They chat for a bit before gathering themselves to head towards dinner. This time Kelley drags Emily down at a reasonable time and by the time she’s grabbed food there’s still plenty of empty chairs. Emily sits down with Rose and Sam and leans into their conversation. She doesn’t even notice anything else until Mal and Lindsey sit down across from her. 

Emily is shocked at Lindsey’s appearance. Her eyes are red and she’s got dark circles under her eyes. Maybe this was how Emily had looked to everyone else in January. Lindsey finishes eating quickly - not talking as much as the rest of them - and she excuses herself saying she needs to go back to the room. As soon as she walks away Rose leans across the table to Mal and whispers, “What’s up with Horan?” 

Mal looks exceedingly uncomfortable. She glances up at Emily and then back down. “She, uh, I think she just broke up with Russell.”

“Again?” says Rose.

“Yeah.”

“Well, don’t count on that lasting,” Rose says.

Emily decides to leave then. She feels uncomfortable being privy to this conversation. Now that she’s acknowledged all these feelings she really has for Lindsey, it feels wrong to listen in on this drama with Lindsey’s on-again, off-again boyfriend. But maybe that’s what Lindsey needed to be able to start speaking to Emily again. Maybe Russell was the problem all along? One can hope. 

  
\---- 

  
This camp is longer than the last few. They’re in the “official” lead up to the Olympics, so there’s more meetings about strategy and plays, and then there’s three days of photographs in the new kits, and in between lots of drills and scrimmages and training. 

The Thursday before their first game Emily takes their off afternoon to tour the Pride facilities, meet Marc, meet some staff. It’s all beautiful, but definitely not Portland. They give her a jersey and she slips it on, shocked by the brightness of the purple. They take pictures all over the stadium for social media and news releases. Emily tries her hardest, but she knows that in all the photos they take she looks a little sad, a little lost. It all is real now. 

Emily’s disappointed when the rosters are announced and she doesn’t start any of the games for the She Believes cup. She still feels okay about her chances of making the 18-person Olympic roster, but Vlatko still has to cut five from what he has in Orlando now, and Emily’s missing a shot to prove what she’s worth. 

They’re just beginning the final game in the cup against Japan when Lindsey goes down early and hard. Emily’s immediately off the bench screaming “foul!” Someone has to literally drag Emily back down to sit before she gets carded herself. It looks bad. The Japanese player had yanked at Lindsey’s jersey and then fallen, landing right on Lindsey’s shoulder. They bring out a stretcher, but then Lindsey gets up and walks off on her own power. Emily’s sure that Vlatko is going to pull Lindsey out - he’s already got Rose warming up - but Lindsey very forcefully insists she’s fine. 

Emily spends the rest of the game on edge. Even if Lindsey isn’t speaking to her, Emily loves her. She’s sure of that now. Emily feels the collision of anxiety over Lindsey and this game and Emily making the Olympic roster and it leaves her in knots, even after the win.

First thing the next morning Emily takes an Uber back to her apartment. She doesn’t say goodbye to anyone. She just wants a few days of quiet before she has to report to Orlando’s training on Monday. Emily, Ali, and Ashlyn will have already missed the whole first week, so Emily feels like it’s important that her head is in the right place.


	4. Portland

Emily feels at home in Orlando’s back line. With Ashlyn behind her and Ali to Emily’s right, it’s like she’s invincible. It’s good to be in one place for a few weeks to train and focus before their season opener in Portland the Friday after Easter.

They fly into Portland on Wednesday. It feels bittersweet to be back, but playing as the away team. Emily is definitely nervous about how the Riveters will treat her. It’s not like she wanted to leave. She just wants everyone to like her. 

They’re able to get a few quick practices in before the game, but the time goes quickly. Suddenly it’s Friday night in Portland and it feels like everyone is in Providence Park. As they line up to walk out Emily resists the urge to look over. She knows the way Tobin will be rolling her neck, the way Sinc will be staring ahead, the way Lindsey will be smiling at someone’s joke. Emily forces herself to remember that it doesn’t matter what the Thorns do in the tunnel, it matters what the Pride does. They walk out and the noise is deafening. It’s almost like nothing has changed. 

They huddle up before the game, Ashlyn giving a pep talk. As they split from the huddle Ali grabs her shoulder and says, “We’ve got this Emily. Head in the game.”

Mark has planted both Tobin and Lindsey on the right side, which feels crazy until Emily realizes that it’s because he’s counting on Emily to be the Pride’s weak link. It makes her absolutely furious. She glances over at Ali whose eyes widen a bit. She nods at Emily. They’ve already talked about this a bit. Emily hates getting nutmegged by Tobin, but Ali actually seems to be able to read Tobin well. Lindsey will be less of a problem, though, she’s got less tricks than Tobin. Emily’s grateful they’re playing in a four-back for this game. They’ll need it.

From the first touch Emily can tell this game will be electric. Sinc gets it first and passes it back to Becky. Emily feels the whole Thorns front line moves forward towards her. Becky passes it up the line towards Lindsey but Camila steals it away. Camila immediately passes it to Syd. Syd tries to get past Becky and loses the ball. The Thorns back line bounces it around a bit while the front line tries to get open. Emily is right on top of Tobin, and it feels weird. The pass from Kling comes up to Boureille who dances it around Kennedy and passes across to Lindsey. Lindsey passes it immediately to Smith and darts towards Emily. Emily waits for the pass, knowing they’ll bring it back towards Lindsey. Sure enough, Smith passes towards Lindsey and Emily goes in for the tackle. She can feel it’s clean when she makes contact, but Lindsey goes down in the tangle. Ali gets the ball clear towards Von Egmond, and Emily turns to jump up. It’s then that she makes eye contact with Lindsey. There’s something burning in Lindsey’s eyes. Emily is not sure if it’s rage yet, but she hopes it is by the end of the first half. Emily wants this win. Once she’s standing she realizes that the whole crowd is booing her tackle. She turns to the Riveters and bows with way more audacity than she ever expected from herself. It feels like something Pinoe would do. And then, as Marta streaks up the field with the ball, Emily moves back to mark Tobin. 

The whole first half is like that - fast, dogged, angry. So angry. Every time Emily turns around there’s Lindsey or Tobin. Tobin’s always looking at Emily’s feet, but she keeps catching Lindsey watching her. And she watches right back. It helps her figure out when Lindsey’s going to make the run into the box every time - her eyes always give her away. And every time either Emily or Ali are there, blocking her shots, tackling her, throwing her off. When the halftime whistle blows its all Emily can do to stay standing. 

In the locker room they all rest. Marc is happy with their performance, offers a few pointers and critiques, but nothing that feels harsh. It feels right, the team feels right. Ashlyn gives them another pep talk and they head back out. 

It feels like the Thorns had a very different halftime than the Pride did. It feels like they’re still reeling from this new Pride team, from the fire in the Pride’s backline. Emily sees the Thorns looking at her with a new respect. The whistle blows to start the half, and it all begins again. In the 60th minute Tobin nutmegs Emily and gets around Ali, but her shot is blocked by some amazing acrobatics by Ashlyn. Two minutes later Syd and Marta are dancing through the Thorns back line and Syd scores in the confusion in front of the goal. Emily screams and jumps for joy, while Tobin kicks the ground. Emily can see AD pull herself up and shake her head.

The next 20 minutes are pure chaos and confusion, back and forth. The Thorns have started making substitutions, but Mark is stubbornly keeping Lindsey and Tobin in. In the 83rd minute Lindsey makes another run in towards the box. She comes right up against Emily, which is actually a huge mistake on Emily’s part - Lindsey’s just so big that she pushes into Emily and Emily goes down. Emily scrambles up and by then Lindsey’s up against Ali. Emily circles back around and as Lindsey dodges Ali, Emily goes in for another tackle. She gets the ball out and clear towards Toni and then, again, Lindsey is right there in Emily’s space, fire in her eyes.

They separate and Emily drops back again. The ball is forward and as they head into the 90th minute Marta is playing it up towards the goal. Syd and Camilla bounce it back and forth until one of them gets the shot off. AD blocks it, but as she throws the ball back into play the final whistle blows.

Emily falls to her knees. She can’t believe it. They did it. Ali is dragging Emily up for a hug and they’re running down the field towards Syd. Emily ends up in a big hug with Syd and Ali. They knew how much Emily wanted this win

Emily shakes hands with the other players. Sinc gives her a smile and a “good game.” Tobin drags her in for a hug. Lindsey taps her hand and doesn’t meet her eyes. Mark shakes her hand and looks a bit taken aback. Emily trudges off towards the tunnel. It’s fun to win, but it’s definitely not as fun to win away, especially in front of a crowd as hostile as Portland’s. As Emily reaches the edge of the stadium lights in the tunnel she hears someone call her name. She turns and then suddenly Lindsey is there. She’s in Emily’s space, crowding her in towards the wall. And then her hand is reaching for Emily’s cheek, her hair, and she drags Emily in for a bruising kiss. 

Emily feels frozen at first, but then leans in. She’s kissing Lindsey. She’s kissing Lindsey back. And then, as suddenly as it started, Lindsey is gone. As she backs away their eyes meet and Emily sees the same fire as earlier.

Emily is left frozen. Then her knees give out. She’s sliding down the wall of the tunnel. Syd is there, grabbing Emily. “Emily. Emily! Are you okay? Emily.” And then Ali is next to her. Emily feels like she can’t breathe. Her chest aches and her heart is racing. She can’t feel anything else. 

She looks up and realizes that Ashlyn has dragged Tobin over. Ali is gripping Emily’s arm, calling her name. Tobin leans over and curses under her breath. 

“Emily - Sonny - I need you to breathe,” Tobin says. “Look at me. Do you see me breathing? Can you breathe in and out with me now?” She takes a big inhale and Emily follows suit. 

Emily can feel everyone around her relax a little bit then. That’s when the tears finally fall. Tobin drags her up and into a big hug. Emily starts to cry. Tobin and Ali hold her up and walk her back to the locker room. When they get to the door Tobin says, “Emily, I can’t go in there with you. But Ali and Ash are gonna help get you together and then I’ll be here when you come out and I’ll take you home with me. Sound good?”

Emily nods numbly and lets Ali guide her into the locker room.

  
\----

  
The next morning Emily wakes up on the couch to the sounds of Tobin making coffee. It smells amazing. Tobin walks over with a cup for each of them and sits down on the coffee table across from Emily. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Tobin asks.

“I don’t know. I don’t even know what happened,” Emily says. “I just- it’s just- Lindsey cornered me after the game last night and she- she kissed me. Like she meant it. And then she was gone. And I’ve just been in love with her for so long, Tobin, and she hasn’t spoken to me at all since the trade and I just don’t know what’s going on or why she stopped talking to me or what I did. I- I just- I feel like she’s fucking with me.”

Tobin’s face darkens. “I don’t think she was fucking with you Sonny. But I do think she has a lot of explaining to do.”

“What?”

“I can’t speak for Lindsey in this, Emily, but I can say that you deserve an explanation. Or, really, several explanations.

“We have a flight to catch, though. Ash and Ali said they’d bring your bags to the airport. Do you want a shower before we go?”

  
\----

  
When they arrive at the airport Ali and Ashlyn are already waiting with Emily Von Egmond and Alanna Kennedy. They’re flying to Utah to face the Australian national team next week in a friendly, so they were lucky enough to all get a flight together. Emily’s grateful for even more friendly faces. They check their bags of gear and get through security. Emily collapses into a chair at the gate with Emily and Alanna nearby. Tobin asks if she needs anything and then Tobin, Ashlyn, and Ali go off in search of snacks. Emily also kind of suspects that they’re talking about her. She slips her airpods in and decides to rewatch “Bend it Like Beckham” for the 2000th time. 

Suddenly a bag drops in front of her and then Lindsey is dropping into the chair that’s in front of Emily. Emily looks up and AD is standing next to her, eyeing the whole situation uncomfortably. Emily smiles at AD and looks back down at her phone, trying to ignore it all and hope it will go away. But it doesn’t. Lindsey is leaning in. Not enough to interrupt the movie, but enough to feel intrusive in these skinny airport rows. Emily can tell what’s coming, and even though she’s got her movie up pretty loudly she still hears Lindsey say, “Emily, can we talk?”

Emily tries to ignore her. It doesn’t work. Lindsey is saying her name again, moving even closer. Suddenly Tobin steps in between them. 

“Back off Lindsey. Seriously,” Tobin practically growls. She sits next to Emily like a guard dog. Emily goes back to her movie and then Tobin is whispering at Lindsey, leaning in towards her, admonishing her for something. Emily catches little bits like her name over and over again and “tell her.”

They board the plane soon after and Emily is again grateful for the presence of Ali and Ashlyn next to her. It’s actually a pretty empty plane, so they really don’t need to sit with her, but she feels like they’re trying to make her feel better. She dozes off quickly after takeoff, exhausted from the last 24 hours. 

  
\----

  
They’re the first group to arrive at the hotel - almost everyone else is playing today and arriving either that tonight or the next day. But fate seems to be fucking with Emily and she’s assigned a room with Lindsey. She briefly considers what it would be like to go to Molly and be the one to beg this time to not have to room with Lindsey. She knew it wouldn’t work though, so she goes into the room, drops her stuff, and heads back downstairs. Settling into the corner of the lobby she hopes no one will bother her.

As soon as the thought springs into her mind, though, Lindsey is sitting down across from Emily. 

“Are you fucking serious Lindsey? Why are you here? What do you want with me?” Emily doesn’t really want to cause a scene, but she also really doesn’t want to do this.

“I want to explain.”

“Okay, so explain,” Emily says after a moment’s hesitation.

“Okay.” Lindsey wipes her palms on her jeans and continues, “Emily - that day back in January camp when your trade was announced? I was devastated. I was blindsided. I thought you would tell me if something like that ever happened, but you didn’t. I realize now that maybe you didn’t know what to say, but I just- I was so upset. I left breakfast that morning and went back to my room and threw up. Tobin followed me because she knew- she understood, she got it. We were so mad at Mark.

“And then camp was over and you were gone. Forever. I knew we would play together like this, but it’s not the same. It’s not home. We’d never be together again like we were in Portland. And I couldn’t function. I couldn’t feel anything. And then another camp came and I was supposed to room with you. And the whole month before that I’d been trying to pretend to Russell that there was nothing wrong, but I would- when we were- I mean, he would fuck me and I was thinking of you. I could only think of you. My skin was burning remembering every time we’d touched. And then we won and we were leaning forward into that picture and my hand was on your skin, on your thigh and I just- I wanted you. I wanted to feel your whole body.

“And then we all went home again. And I broke up with Russell, but I think he knew. I think he always knew and that’s why he always hated you and I let him hate you. That break was so short and then we were all together again and I’d just broken up with Russell for you. Because I love you, Emily. But then the game happened and I got hurt and then you were gone.

“And- and, yesterday you were in Portland. You were home. You were home and you were on fire and you were punishing us - punishing me. You were so mad and I could see it in your eyes and you destroyed us. You cost us that game. And I just- I couldn’t not kiss you. You were so beautiful and you’re all I want and I came up to you after the game and I kissed you because I wanted - I want you. And Tobin has said all along that I had to get my shit together, that I had to talk to you, to stop treating you like I was, but I couldn’t. And she tried to protect both of us and it wasn’t her job.”

Emily is still. All she feels in this moment is rage. Overwhelming rage. At Lindsey, at Russell, the Mark, at God, at Lindsey. At Lindsey. Emily stands up and starts to walk away, but Lindsey is right behind her. Lindsey grabs at Emily’s shoulder to stop her and suddenly Emily snaps. She swings around, her fist balled up, and she punches Lindsey. 

And then they’re no longer alone. Strong arms grab Emily from behind as Tobin steps between Emily and Lindsey. Emily can see that she’s actually split Lindsey’s lip and the blood is starting to run down her chin. Lindsey looks stunned. The pain starts to run up Emily’s arm from her hand.

Emily’s not quite done, though. She leans forward to see past Tobin, pushing against the arms holding her, and says, “Fuck you Horan. Fuck you for treating me this way. I deserve better. You haven’t spoken to me for over three months. I thought you were my best friend. Fuck you.”

Lindsey’s face fell a bit more, and whoever was holding Emily drags her off. Once they get out of sight of Lindsey the arms relax a bit and Emily realizes it’s Ashlyn. She pushes Emily into a chair.

“Look, Sonny, you’ve got to figure this out. Yeah, she treated you like shit. Yeah, it was fucked up. But how do you feel about it? Is that your girl? Is she worth it?”

Emily sits still for minutes, thinking.

“Yeah, I think that’s my girl. I think that’s my girl. And I punched her. What the fuck am I doing?”

“I don’t know dude, but let’s go take care of that hand.”


	5. Love is Touching Souls

Emily walks back to the room a while later. All she’s been thinking about is how she got here, to this moment. She doesn’t even know how this has all happened. All she knows is that she’s in love with Lindsey and Lindsey treated her badly but now has come around and that’s pissing Emily off, which makes zero sense. Maybe they just need to talk more.

Lindsey’s sitting on her bed playing on her phone when Emily walks in. She looks up at Emily and starts to smile, then winces as her lip pulls where Emily hit her.

“Are- are you okay?” Emily asks as she steps closer. Lindsey turns and slips towards the edge of the bed to face Emily. Emily reaches a hand out slowly to brush along the cut on Lindsey’s lip. Lindsey’s eyes close as she leans into the touch, leans into Emily. Lindsey’s head tilts back and Emily’s hand slides along her cheekbone and into her hair. Lindsey is so beautiful, Emily thinks. And then Emily’s finally leaning in and kissing Lindsey. Emily’s tentative at first, scared of hurting Lindsey, but then Lindsey surges up into Emily, sitting up straighter, and it’s like electricity is shooting straight through Emily. She moans, and then Lindsey stands, pushing both hands through Emily’s hair, deepening the kiss. 

Emily is the first one to break the kiss. “You- you didn’t answer me - are you okay?”

Lindsey gazes down at her and says, “Yes. Yes, I’m okay now. I- I want this so badly Emily. I want you so much. I love you so much.”

Emily melts at those words. Then she’s pushing Lindsey back onto the bed until Lindsey’s sitting again and Emily is sitting on her lap and they’re kissing. This time Emily deepens the kiss, sliding her tongue into Lindsey’s mouth, listening to Lindsey moan. And then hands are everywhere - Lindsey’s are running up the back of Emily’s shirt and Emily’s hands are wandering between Lindsey’s hair and her neck and her shoulders. Emily’s lips slide down Lindsey’s jaw and she’s kissing and sucking and biting at Lindsey’s neck. She hears Lindsey moaning again and whispering her name, and then Lindsey’s blunt nails run down her back and Emily feels it all over her body. 

Lindsey pushes her back, then, “Emily, are you sure? Is this okay?”

“Yes, yes- please, I- please Lindsey.”

Lindsey whips Emily’s shirt up and over her head. Her hands come back and run down over Emily’s collar bones, one hand trailing over the cup of Emily’s bra, the other coming down to Emily’s waist, holding her steady. Lindsey’s eyes are all over Emily’s body and Emily feels exposed and wanted, so wanted. Emily tugs at the collar of Lindsey’s shirt until it’s up and over her head. Then she grabs the bottom hem and pulls and before she’s even gotten it all the way off her eyes are on Lindsey’s body. On her broad shoulders, on her breasts, on her stomach which is flexing slightly as she helps Emily push the shirt off. And then their shirts are gone and they’re kissing and Emily is pushing Lindsey back into the bed. A hand settles at Lindsey’s waist and Lindsey’s hips jump up and she moans again.

And then Lindsey’s hands are fumbling at the clasp of Emily’s bra and Emily remembers that Lindsey has never done this before, at least, not with a woman. She pulls back to sit on Lindsey’s hips. Lindsey’s hands drop to Emily’s thighs.

“Lindsey. You’ve never done this before. I don’t want to rush you. I don’t want to pressure you. I can wait. I can wait for you forever.”

Lindsey smiles at Emily. Emily loves that smile. “Emily, I’m ready for this. I’ve been thinking about this for almost three months. Constantly. I appreciate your concern, but I want this. Now. I might not totally know what I’m doing, but I want this. Please- please, Emily.” At this her hands start pulling at Emily’s waistband. 

“Okay, I’ve got you.” Emily reaches behind her own back and undoes her own bra. She pulls it off while she watches Lindsey’s face. The look Lindsey is giving her is pure lust. Emily leans forward again and kisses Lindsey, their bodies flush together. Lindsey rolls them over then, and pushes up so she can drag Emily up the bed. Emily slips her hands around Lindsey’s back, reaching to unhook her bra. Emily looks into Lindsey’s eyes for her consent and Lindsey bites her lip and nods. And then Lindsey’s bra is gone and Lindsey is looming over Emily, leaning in to kiss her, to touch her and Emily feels totally surrounded. Emily slips her knee up, her thigh making contact with Lindsey’s clit through their pants. Lindsey’s hips skitter down towards Emily and she moans, low and long. And Lindsey can’t help herself, it feels so good, their bodies sliding together - the friction between her legs and the slickness of their sweat-drenched bodies. 

Lindsey slips her hand between them and opens the button on Emily’s jeans. She has to get them off now. She leans back and grabs the waistband and pulls them off Emily, and they’re skinny jeans and Emily’s underwear get caught and slide right off, too. Lindsey feels unsure for a second, but then Emily is pulling her forward, on top of Emily again. They kiss and Emily slowly rolls Lindsey over so she can do the same.

Then they’re both totally naked and Emily is crawling back over top of Lindsey, hand sliding up Lindsey’s thigh. Emily is leaning over Lindsey and her hand slides up through Lindsey’s folds and over her clit. Lindsey jumps, and Emily smirks at her. Lindsey grips Emily’s shoulders and they’re kissing again and Emily’s circling her finger over Lindsey’s clit. Lindsey’s already getting close but-

“Emily- Em- baby, please, please I need you.”

“You have me.”

“No, Em- please- please- inside, please fuck me.”

At that Emily slips a finger inside of Lindsey. They both still - Emily to check in with Lindsey, and Lindsey to relish the feeling, eyes closed. When Lindsey’s eyes open she looks right at Emily and whimpers. At that Emily curls her finger up, tapping it into Lindsey’s front wall. Lindsey’s eyes slip shut again and her back arches off the bed. 

“More baby, more, please.”

Emily slips a second finger inside Lindsey, angling her arm so she’s hitting Lindsey’s clit with her hand, and Lindsey’s moans fill the room. Emily starts thrusting into Lindsey and Lindsey is begging, moaning, and Emily can feel Lindsey tightening all around her and then Lindsey is coming, arms wrapped around Emily’s back, nails digging into Emily’s shoulder blades, and she’s screaming Emily’s name... and then Emily is carrying Lindsey over the peak and through the aftershocks. As Emily stills, Lindsey breathes out. Her hands relax on Emily’s back. Emily pulls out and Lindsey shivers. Emily leans in and kisses Lindsey deeply. Emily’s surprised when Lindsey rolls them back over. 

“Baby, I want you, please, now,” Lindsey spills out, and it might be the sexiest thing that Emily’s ever heard. Lindsey’s over Emily and she slides her hand down past Emily’s hip and between her legs. She finds Emily’s clit and circles over it. Emily grabs Lindsey’s shoulders to steady herself - she loves the muscles there, the feeling of Lindsey’s strength. And then Lindsey’s finger is dipping down and her eyes widen at how wet Emily is.

Emily pulls herself up with her good hand and whispers, “That’s all because of you.” Lindsey jumps then, and her finger slips inside Emily. Emily falls back against the pillows. And now Emily finds herself begging Lindsey. Lindsey’s finger slips deeper inside and fills Emily, but Emily wants more.

“More, Lindsey, please- more- more-” Emily’s rambling is broken off when Lindsey slides in a second finger and Emily can’t believe how good it feels. She slides her knee up and hits Lindsey’s center and Lindsey jumps forward and her fingers bury themselves in Emily. And then Lindsey is thrusting and sliding into Emily again and again, and the heel of her hand hitting Emily’s clit, and Emily is holding onto Lindsey’s shoulders, biting at her neck, and Lindsey is riding Emily’s thigh, and Emily chokes out a, “Lindsey- please- I’m, I’m coming-” and suddenly they are coming together - the feel of Emily clenching around Lindsey and of Emily’s thigh against Lindsey’s center sends Lindsey into her second orgasm.

Lindsey collapses next to Emily, sliding out of her. She brings her hand to her face, and curiously sticks her tongue out. She licks a little bit of Emily’s juices off her fingers and then realizes Emily is moaning beside her, watching Lindsey, twitching with the aftershocks of her orgasm. Lindsey slides her fingers in her mouth, partially for curiosity, partially to see how Emily will react - and Emily is obviously enjoying it. Emily finally grabs Lindsey’s hand and pulls it from her lips and then pulls Lindsey down to kiss her. They both moan, tasting Emily everywhere now. 

“Wow, you’re pretty good at that for a straight girl,” Emily says, smirking.

Lindsey blushes, turning her head. “Yeah, well, I’ve been thinking about it for a long time. And I- I wanted it to be good. So I might’ve, uh, I might’ve done some research.”

Emily starts laughing then, her body curling in towards Lindsey, around Lindsey. Lindsey feels more comfortable with Emily than she ever has with anyone else, so it’s a relief to start laughing with Emily.

When they feel like they’ve laughed it all out, they crawl up the bed to manoeuvre themselves under the covers. Lindsey slides her arm under Emily’s head and Emily rests on Lindsey’s shoulder. 

“We really need to finish talking this out,” Emily says. “I don’t want this to mess with our friendship, with the team, with our friends, with my shot at an Olympics. I- I love you, but I need to know where we stand. These last four months have been so hard… I can’t lose you again.”

Lindsey trails her hand up to Emily’s chin and pulls Emily’s face up so they can look at each other. Her thumb runs along Emily’s cheek, and their eyes meet.

“Emily, I want to be with you. I know this will be hard long-distance, but I think we can make it work. I want you to be my girlfriend. I feel like I’ve been waiting for this for years and I didn’t know it. And I’m so sorry about everything that has happened. Thank you for giving me this shot.”

“Lindsey, I would love to be yours,” Emily says, leaning up for a kiss. The kiss quickly deepens and Emily rolls Lindsey onto her back again, straddling her. One of Lindsey’s hands is still on Emily’s cheek, but the other makes its way down to Emily’s ass, pulling her into Lindsey’s hips. They both moan. Lindsey tilts Emily’s head so she can move her lips down to Emily’s neck, and Emily’s hands slide down Lindsey’s body. 

Suddenly Lindsey pushes Emily back, so that Emily’s sitting across Lindsey’s hips.

“Lindsey - I’m sorry - are you okay? Does your lip hurt?” Emily says, uncertainty in her voice.

“Yes, I’m okay, I- I just needed to make sure you were okay - are okay. We didn’t finish talking and I want you so badly, but I, I need to know you’re okay.”

Emily melts a bit then and says, “It’s been hard. But we’re here now and I want to do this,” and she slides her finger from between Lindsey’s breasts down her body.

“No, Emily, wait, we need to talk about this. Tell me about your life, about what’s happened, about how you feel.”

“It was hard, Lindsey,” Emily says, realizing Lindsey is serious. “It was hard to be traded, to feel unwanted. I was punishing myself, hating myself. And then you stopped talking to me, and I didn’t know what I did wrong. I don’t know what else you want me to say, though.”

Lindsey sits up, hands returning to Emily’s face. “Oh, baby, I’m so sorry. I know I can’t ever take it back, but I’m so sorry. I let you down. I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” Lindsey leans in then and kisses Emily softly. Emily pushes into the kiss until Lindsey pulls back, hand going to her lip. 

“I’m so sorry I hit you. That was totally unforgivable,” Emily says.

“No, I totally deserved that. I was pushing for that, honestly - I just wanted you to crack. I needed to feel you again after that kiss yesterday, even if it was just all of your rage. But I shouldn’t’ve kissed you after the game, that was so wrong and intrusive. I couldn’t wait anymore and I made a stupid decision. I’m so sorry I broke you. I hope your hand is okay.”

“Yeah, honestly, I think my hand is going to be a little messed up for the rest of this camp. But Lindsey, I want you now, I want to put this all behind us. I know that we both made a lot of mistakes, but if we want to move forward we can only apologize for so long. Let’s not let the past affect our future. Now, I want to feel you - please, Lindsey, please fuck me.”

So Lindsey slides her hand down Emily, across Emily’s breast, down Emily’s ribcage. Lindsey pushes Emily back a little bit so she can reach her hand between Emily’s legs and slide her fingers inside Emily. Emily throws her head back and moans. Emily trails her hand down behind her until she’s between Lindsey’s legs, until she can reach Lindsey’s clit. As Lindsey thrusts into Emily, Emily’s hand slides up and down - messy, clumsy. They’re both moaning and the feelings are so strong their kisses keep missing. Emily’s hand tightens on Lindsey’s shoulder and she shifts - riding Lindsey’s fingers - and winces from the pain in her hand. 

“Lindsey- Lindsey- I’m close, please.”

Lindsey pulls Emily closer, thrusts harder, her lips and teeth finally meeting Emily’s neck. Emily’s almost got a rhythm on Lindsey’s clit and-

“Me too, baby. Come for me Emily.”

And then Emily is falling apart, tightening around Lindsey again and Lindsey feels her orgasm washing over her. They kiss and when they pull apart they’re both crying. Lindsey tastes blood.

They both fall back again and pull up the covers, snuggling into each other. It feels good to feel that release, to have talked through it, to move past it. It feels good to cry together, to just let it go. Lindsey moves her hand to her lip, and when it comes away mostly clean she’s grateful that her lip is okay.


	6. Utah

Several hours later they’re woken up by a banging on the door. 

“Horan, open this door now!” Ashlyn yells. 

They can hear Ali trying to hush Ashlyn, but it’s not working, and she’s banging on the door again. Lindsey detangles herself from Emily and rolls off the bed. Shit - where’s her underwear? She’s trying to remember where it went, but it was the last thing to come off either of them and she has no clue which direction Emily threw it. Realizing this is not her smartest move ever, she yanks the sheet off Emily and wraps herself up in it. 

“Emily, goddamnit, get some clothes on,” Lindsey whispers.

Lindsey runs her fingers through her hair and gets to the door to crack it just as Ashlyn is starting to pound again. Trying to hide behind the door so Ashlyn and Ali won’t see what she’s wearing, Lindsey looks out and realizes it’s not just Ashlyn and Ali, Tobin is with them, too. 

“Where’s Sonny? She won’t answer her phone. What did you do to her?” Ashlyn immediately says. 

Ali turns her head and glares at Ashlyn before turning back and smiling at Lindsey. “What my wife means to say is, do you know where Emily is?”

“I’m right here, guys,” Emily says as she comes up behind Lindsey. She pulls the door open then, still letting it block Lindsey, but allowing everyone standing in the hall to see that she is okay. It’s then that Lindsey realizes that while Emily must’ve found her own pants (and presumably underwear), she is definitely not wearing the same shirt she had on earlier. It’s clearly the shirt Lindsey was wearing, too big around Emily’s shoulders, slipping at the neckline to show a trail of hickies down her neck to her shoulder.

Tobin immediately looks down, but Ashlyn’s face contorts into an expression of pure excitement. “Damn girl, get it!” she says to Emily.

Emily blushes and glances Lindsey’s way to see Lindsey giving her a sweet smile. 

“So if you’re wearing Horan’s clothes, what’s she wearing?” Ashlyn says, clearing having way too much fun with this. 

“Do NOT answer that Emily,” Ali says. “We were worried because we hadn’t seen either of you since your, ahem, fight. We’re getting ready to head over to the stadium to watch the Royals, and I think you guys should join us.” That last part clearly wasn’t a suggestion, but Emily knew Ali was only looking out for them. 

“Yeah, sure. Can you give us a few minutes to, uh, freshen up?” Emily stutters over the last bit, glancing at Lindsey who is biting her lip again. That’s going to be the death of Emily.

“Yeah, but I will be back in 10 minutes if you’re not downstairs by then, so you better not be doing what I think you’re gonna do,” Ashlyn says with a smirk. “And tell Horan that she better not come downstairs in that sheet.”

At that Lindsey huffs and slams the door in Ashlyn’s face. Emily turns to her and they both start laughing.

“Well, I guess we have our orders then.”

“Yeah, let’s find you some clothes. Or are you making up for your lack of college toga parties tonight?”

Lindsey gives Emily’s shoulder a light shove at that, but Emily leans into her, stealing a quick kiss. 

  
\----

  
They’re both wearing fresh clothes that don’t smell like airplane when they leave the room 10 minutes later. True to her word, Ashlyn is stepping off the elevator as they turn the corner. She just laughs and pushes the down button.

AD, Tobin, and Ali are waiting in the lobby for them. 

“Alright, let’s go! We’re rooting for Chicago tonight, right?” Emily says, trying to get a rise out of Tobin. 

Tobin carefully adjusts the “23” cap on her head and glares at Emily.

“Alright, I ordered an Uber and it should be here in five minutes,” Ali says.

They arrive at the stadium and all pile out. Tobin walks up to the ticket window, hoping that the hat pulled low over her brow will keep her from being noticed by fans. Christen had set aside tickets for them earlier, and they’re happy to be sitting at the back of the midfield section, trying to respect Christen and Tobin’s wishes to keep their relationship somewhat out of the limelight.

“Okay, Ash and I are gonna go get food. What do you guys want?” Ali says as soon as they’re seated.

As they walk away to get food, Emily turns to Lindsey and says, “Okay, I wish we’d had more time to have this conversation, but where are we on telling people about this- about us? I mean, can I hold your hand? I don’t want you to be uncomfortable and I don’t know if you want to tell your family and I don’t know if you even want to be out, but I’m already out and I can do whatever you want to do, and I respect any concerns you might have...”

Lindsey smiles at Emily’s rambling. Without thinking, she takes Emily’s hand in her own. 

“I don’t know all the answers right now, but I want to be with you Emily. Let’s be who we are and figure out the rest as it comes along. And I can call my parents and brother tomorrow. I don’t think they’ll care. And I guess we’ll let the team figure it out as they figure it out. Let’s just not let it impact our playing and everyone else.”

“Oh, and I guess we should confess to a coach since we’re already sharing a room,” Emily says. 

The game ends up being a good one. The Red Stars still haven’t found their footing without Sam Kerr attacking, and Kaelia Watt is still not in sync with the rest of the team. But Alyssa is on fire. So while A-Rod, Christen, and the rookie, Tziarra King, are tearing up the field, Alyssa is blocking them left and right. The final score is 1-0 with King scoring the only goal in the 83rd minute. 

They slowly make their way down to the field, letting all the fans have their chance at autographs and pictures. Christen has already spotted them and smiled, and A-Rod has wrapped her arm around King to keep her on the field so Tobin could meet her. Kelley had spotted them all as soon as she stood up from the bench. Noticing Lindsey and Emily’s interlocked hands, Kelley had given Emily a wink. 

At last the stands are mostly empty and Kelley is there wrapping Emily and Lindsey in a hug together. “You two finally got it together, huh?” she says. “I’m so happy for you guys.”

  
\----

  
Sunday the last of the team flew into Salt Lake City and they had their first team meeting scheduled for late in the afternoon. Emily and Lindsey had shared a bed overnight, happy to just be sleeping next to each other. They knew Sunday had the potential to be hard. The plan was to facetime Lindsey’s parents first thing before they found out from anybody else. Then they were going to grab one of the coaches and explain what was going on with them, trying to be honest from the get-go.

At breakfast Emily starts to feel nervous. What if Lindsey’s parents weren’t okay with this? What if they weren’t okay and Lindsey did this all for Emily and it destroyed Lindsey?

But Lindsey had been right all along, and Emily would be willing to bet that had been the easiest coming out anyone had ever had. Emily was so glad of that for Lindsey’s sake. They’d facetimed Lindsey’s brother right after her parents and when Lindsey told him all he said was, “Ha! I knew it!”

Talking to the coaches now seemed both like an easier and an insurmountable prospect. Now that it had gone so easily with Lindsey’s parents, was there any way that it could be easy with the coaches, too?

Emily and Lindsey gather all the coaches before they go out for lunch, wanting to get it over with. They’ve asked Ali what it was like having to tell the coaches about her and Ashlyn, and she says to just go for it, and so that’s what they do. The coaches have questions, of course, some of which Emily and Lindsey can’t answer because the relationship is so new. The coaches ask that if anything changes one or both of them let the coaching staff know as soon as possible. The coaches will stay out of it, but try to protect Emily and Lindsey from the media. It’s made clear that this is the last time Emily and Lindsey will likely room together, but since almost everyone’s already in Utah, they’ll just leave them together for this week. Emily breathes a sigh of relief knowing that she won’t have to discuss more room assignments with Molly. 

After Lindsey and Emily have a quiet lunch alone, Emily goes to find a trainer. Her hand is significantly more swollen that day, even after icing it as much as she could. The trainer poked around a little bit, had Emily make two fists, and then looked at her knuckles.

“Yeah, I think you may have broken your hand. I’d like to get some x-rays done. Since it’s just your hand I can do them here.”

Emily’s grateful they can do the x-rays there and not at the hospital, but still, she’s nervous. It turns out Emily’s actually just got a broken finger. Hopefully no one will actually ask how she broke it. The trainers go back and forth on whether she needs a soft cast or a brace or what, especially since there’s a possibility of her hand getting caught during practice or their game next Saturday. They settle for wrapping it to the finger next to it and down her hand, immobilizing the whole outside of her hand and her wrist. Before practices and the game they’ll add a brace to prevent it from snapping if it gets caught. 

When Emily leaves the trainer, she realizes it’s time for the team meeting. She heads towards the meeting room, wishing she’d had time to talk to Lindsey alone beforehand. Emily walks in and the room’s already almost full.. It seems that everyone is standing between Emily and Lindsey right now

“Damn Sonny, what’d you do to your hand?” Pinoe asks. She’s standing with Ashlyn and Ashlyn just smirks at Emily, waiting for whatever great answer she can come up with.

“I, uh, I broke it juggling bricks.”

It got the halfhearted laugh she expected and she’s relieved to be able to squeeze past Pinoe. 

Emily finally makes it over to the seat next to Lindsey and collapses in the chair, totally wiped. Rose and Mal are sitting in the row in front of them and Sam’s on the other side of Lindsey. They’re all catching up, Rose talking faster than seems humanly possible. Lindsey leans over and carefully grabs Emily’s wrapped hand.

“Oh, no - is it broken?” Lindsey whispers close to Emily’s ear.

“Yeah, just one of the fingers, though. It could’ve been worse. I still feel bad that I hit you at all, I guess this is what I get.”

“I’m so sorry, baby,” Lindsey says, except this time she’s not as quiet and suddenly-

“I’m sorry, did you call her BABY?” Rose says. The word baby is broadcast to the entire meeting and while most of the team is used to Rose’s antics, heads still turn. 

Emily sinks in her chair, sliding so her head slowly drops lower and lower. Rose is instantly laughing at her reaction.

“I guess that’s a yes then, Linds, huh? You called her baby, right?”

  
Lindsey just nods. She’s still carefully holding Emily’s wrapped hand in her lap, caressing the unwrapped fingers.

“Wait, so you guys are finally together?” Mal asks.

“Finally?! What did I miss? Why does no one tell me anything?” Sam says.

Emily glances at Lindsey. It kind of doesn’t really matter what they say at this point - Emily’s hand is in Lindsey’s lap, and if the team doesn’t get the message then, they probably will tomorrow when Lindsey and Emily are in training tanks exposing the hickies they both have.

“Yeah, we’re together,” Lindsey says. She turns and looks down at Emily, a soft smile lighting her face.

“So how did Emily break her hand? Was it while you guys were…” Rose does some sort of wiggly thing with her eyebrows and contorts her whole face trying to imply what Emily might have been doing with her hand. 

“None of your fucking business, now pay attention to the damn meeting,” Emily growls.

  
\----

  
After the meeting and dinner Emily and Lindsey go back to their room, blessedly alone. Ashlyn and Pinoe had teased them all through the meeting. Julie had stopped Emily on her way out to check on Emily’s hand. Christen had swept both Emily and Lindsey up in a hug, grinning from ear to ear. Rose and Mal had made increasingly inappropriate jokes throughout dinner, while Sam tried to change the subject.

They crawl into bed together, knowing and respecting the boundaries of being at camp, but still wanting to be close. It feels so good to finally be together. They don’t know what the future is leading them towards. Lindsey is definitely going to the Olympics, but Emily still isn’t sure if she will make the cut. Emily knows that Ali and Ashlyn survived that situation before, but Emily’s hoping she and Lindsey won’t have to find out what it’s like themselves. And then, once the Olympics are over, they’ll be back to opposite sides of the country. But it will all work out.


End file.
